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Boy Issues Advice - Questions and Answers

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Dear Linzi,
I am 16 years old, and have never had a boyfriend or even kissed a guy properly. It seems like all the girls my age have boyfriends and are having sex with them. I'm scared I'll embarrass myself if I have to talk to a guy let alone kiss one! Please help!

Sassy Linzi
Let me tell you that girls can exaggerate big time, so don't go comparing yourself to them and what they say because it's only going to make you feel bad. Buy yourself a new top, put on some sparkly lippy and strut your stuff with the rest of them - the boys will get the message you're a lady to be seen out with!

Momma Linzi
Don't worry, when Mr Right comes along you'll be swept off your feet and it will be great. You'll find him one day. Good things come to those who wait.

Straight Talking Linzi
There is a funny natural law governing embarrassing situations - you use up more energy worrying about what might happen than the actual energy required to get over a real one! Use your energy wisely and focus on doing something about what you can control and don't give a moments thought to what you can't control.

Let's look at what you can control - your skill at talking to guys. Think about situations where you are most relaxed, and make a list of them - maybe that's in some classes or sports club. Then pick out the situations where you come into contact with guys. Next time that situation comes round, be brave and speak to a guy about something neutral, maybe about a new film or CD, and talk to them like you would a really good friend or relative. The more you practice the better you'll get at small talk (it's a hugely important but undervalued social skill) and it will boost your confidence. So, when you find a guy you really want to get to know better, you will be able to ask him out with ease. (Okay, maybe you'll still have some butterflies in your stomach, but you'll be a lot better at speaking to him when he actually gives you an answer!)

Once you've taken the time to get to know a guy and decide to ask him for a date, make sure you talk to him on his own. He is less likely to act stupid if his mates aren't there, plus if it does go wrong, there aren't any witnesses! Also, give him a way to say no gracefully. This is an old Chinese method called "saving face", and would sound like "I would like to see a movie with you on Saturday afternoon, but if you've got something planned already that's fine". What this does is let him know you want to go out with him, and he can decide if he would like to go out with you or not. If he likes you, he will say yes immediately or if he genuinely has something planned then he will take the initiative and make an alternative date. If he's less keen, then you've given him a pre-made excuse. Perfect solution to a tricky problem!

Finally, focus on getting to know people better and building relationships with them, before you start worrying about kissing them. That way you'll avoid having to kiss a lot of toads before you find your prince! One simple thing to take care of it to make sure you have a clean minty-fresh kissable mouth. When it does come to kissing, the more relaxed you are the more enjoyable it will be for both of you. It is best to approach the kiss gently, with no sudden movements and your mouth closed. Don't open your mouth until your lips have reached the other person's and avoid bumping teeth. Your tongues may touch, but if you've got that far, your doing fine and don't need my advice!!

NEWSFLASH !!!

As of July 3rd, Linzi is accepting questions about your boy issues. Click here to go to the Boy Issues Questionnaire.

Boy-Issues.com is run by Linzi Swinton, 79 Hollingbury Road, Brighton, UK. BN1 7JB.
Email:
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