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Is He Your Date Or Just A Mate? block out 1

Possibly the toughest call you are going to make in the love game - is he your date or just a mate? Do you act on those signals and ask him out or do you play it safe and stay "just good friends"? Here are some clues to help you figure out the signals before you rush into asking him out. And what to do if he says no...

Just A Mate
He enjoys your company and asks you to spend time with him, but its usually in big groups and he spends time with everyone equally. He wants to meet your girlfriends. He tells you gross stories about stuff he's done.

Borderline Mate/Date
He says hello to you, but not in front of his mates. Tries to make lots of eye contact but blushes heaps. Offers to lend you his new CD and shows off in front of you. He blows hot and cold on you.

Potential Date
He makes excuses to accidentally bump into you, and gives you compliments. He remembers your birthday and other special occasions. He sticks by your side at parties.

Remember, he's probably trying to figure out your signals too, before he makes a move! Are you giving out mixed messages as you check each other out? Hormones, surges of insecurity and self-doubt are the usual culprits that make us a bit wobbly, distorting what we really want to say. How annoying!

Tragedy - he says no!
So you've bunched up the courage to ask him out and he says no. Tragedy! Being turned down is a big knock to your self-confidence but it doesn't mean you have to run off to the nearest convent and become a nun. How you think about it afterwards will make a big difference to how you feel. Here are some healthy thoughts;

* Even though you got turned down once, it doesn't mean it will happen every time.
* Maybe his life is a bit complicated right now and he doesn't need a girlfriend on top of it all.
* It was just that one guy - there are plenty other guys out there!

The temptation is to think he said no because you're not pretty enough or smart or popular. This probably has very little to do with it at all, and thinking that way will only make you feel bad. The most important thing is that you were brave enough to ask him out in the first place!

Is he your date or just a mate? A tough call, but if you never ask you'll never know!


As of July 3rd, Linzi is accepting questions about your boy issues. Click here to go to the Boy Issues Questionnaire. is run by Linzi Swinton, 79 Hollingbury Road, Brighton, UK. BN1 7JB.